smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
