my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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