im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
