you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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