The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
