just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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