he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
