Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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