6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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