I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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