I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
there was a trapeze. enough said
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
