I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
