one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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