I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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