SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
pray to the hookup gods
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
