I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
