you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
