Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
