everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
