You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
