your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
