just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
