i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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