Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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