The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
