You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
