I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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