my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
