So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
