her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
