only if we run a train.
done.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
