Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Randomize
