her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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