Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
