erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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