i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize