i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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