A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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