I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
is it fun? or sober?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
