How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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