I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
