My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize