how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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