Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
