a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
