There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
