He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Randomize
