Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize