what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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