They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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