woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
