So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
