This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
