Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
