i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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