My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
