thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
