Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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