you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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