A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
This house was built for laser tag.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
