dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
