I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
