There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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