Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
