i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
