3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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