Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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