help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
