so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
where are my eyebrows?
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