Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
