before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize