I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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