Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We had sex on a dog bed..
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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