I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
