I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
