Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
