My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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