last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
