My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The cops high fived after they tackled you
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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