she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
