My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Don't tell me you're on acid again
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
