shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
