well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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