I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
