The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
