but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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