shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
