did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
