sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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