someone threw a dead crab at me
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
