if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize