I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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