i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
