I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
