when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
