you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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