Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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