I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
