Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We are two peas in an std pod
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
