Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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