I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
