My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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