i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
