so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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