He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
