what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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