The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
